I am sitting in the waiting room of the ER as I type this. Mom had another bout of severe vertigo. I intended to take her but dad said he would do it instead, but as they went to leave I had an extremely strong sense that I needed to go with. So I jumped in as they started off. I already had my Surface since I intended to take her. I know these things take hours potentially so having it handy was a way to make sure I got things up on time. I mean its literally why I have the surface in the first place. I can work anywhere if I have a cell signal to post the pages. I’m sure I know why I felt the urge to go now, even though I didn’t in the moment. In future I will be prepared.

Instinct is something humans tend to ignore, but we have them for a reason. Ofttimes trusting your instincts can be a matter of life and death. In my life I’ve always had a knack for being where I needed to be to help other people. Even though I resist it, and I dont love feeling like the tool in some greater power’s plan, I have to admit that listening to that voice in my head has done a lot of good for others even if it ended up costing me something in the end. I’m a coward, and won’t willingly put myself in danger, but if I’m thrown into a situation I can’t ignore the plight of others. I guess that’s why I’m often guided to places I’m needed rather than going there on my own. It’s possible, as many people have told me, that I’m just a tool.

Its late enough, and this is also likely more routine than it feels to me, that I’m not going to text my sister. She may well see this post and be annoyed with me but I know they are all very busy and need rest. If the situation becomes dire I will contact her.

As far as the comic goes this may be the most decompressed time I’ve ever shown. What is going through Thomas’s head will have taken seconds but in our world it will be the better part of a week or more. I think decompressed is the right word. I admit that when I’m stressed I have a difficult time differentiating words that measure things. In any case I’m sure someone will correct me in the comments, or verify that I said what I meant.

My urge is often to explain things in the comic that I don’t expressly show, even though they aren’t in the comic for a reason. I really don’t like when the characters are misunderstood, but in order for there to be some level of drama there must be a misunderstanding sometimes. I am possessed of an intense desire to be understood, which is why I’m perpetually trying to explain myself over social media. At the same time it may be better that people only think they understand me because the gulf between knowing and not stops fights from happening. If people can simply assume you agree with them about things its much easier to get by sometimes. Removing doubt can certainly cause as much conflict as it can potentially end. In any event this is only Thomas’s side of things. From Patricia’s perspective these things may not have seemed as confronting to her as they do to him. Up till now we’ve mostly only ever seen this affable, thoughtless, version of Patty. Thomas however has experienced a much greater range of her emotions.

Like many of the characters Patty is an amalgamation of people I’ve known. The one that lives in the core of her genesis was a very strange woman indeed, and much more prone to violence than Patty. If I were to tell you the real stories about her I wonder what you would think. I suspect you would see her as something of an unhinged bully. Thats certainly how it seemed to me when I first knew her. Over time though I began to understand that her actions were an extension of her trauma. Eventually I think she considered me a close friend. Certainly closer than I though of her, but then again it’s hard to say. Once I had proved myself as someone who would not abuse her she treated me in ways that I wouldn’t have treated someone who I would consider much closer to me. That eventually led to a misunderstanding that damaged what I haltingly call our friendship forever.

It has been well over 20 years since I’ve seen that woman. I’m not sure what I would do or say if I ran into her now. I’m not sure we would recognize each other. I’m not even sure if I lament the loss of the friendship or simply have nostalgic feelings about the uncertainties of a youthful connection. I can confidently say that she left several marks on me, some of them literally. I dont think I did the same to her. It is perhaps the casual way that Rulette treats things that Thomas assigns great importance that annoys him the most in his current day. Being treated flippantly is an affront when one person means more to one than the other.

I suppose that is where I need to end things for now. My surface has half a charge but I dont want to run it dry in case I need it later. I hope the weekend treats you well. On Monday i’ll return with more of this saga. Until then, ponder the orbs where the power is stored.

3029 Speed Of Memory 2: Cruise Control.

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